Hi, friends. This is a post about having a baby, so if you are squeamish or my parents, just don’t read it, I guess.
Before our beautiful baby J came into the world, we thought we were prepared. In a lot of ways, I still think we were. Great jobs, a supportive family, the very greatest of friends. We are so, so thankful for the contributions of our community of people throughout our transition from two to three.
There were a lot of things we weren’t prepared for. It now takes us triple the amount of time to get ready for any. thing. We frequently pull off the road on short trips to administer snacks, change diapers, or check on diaper-related threats. After powering through a year back at work, I’m staying at home now for a multitude of reasons - I count myself lucky to be able to do so.
I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel so wholly still myself and so wholly someone else. In those early months, I spent a lot of time fretting. I wasn’t providing enough language exposure (I really hate one way conversations), wasn’t getting her out of the house enough, wasn’t allowing others to be close enough. She was constantly projectile vomiting and we were constantly cleaning it up. She would only sleep if she was bouncing, so we had an exercise ball and a Baby Bjorn bouncer in motion nearly around the clock. In J’s first or second month of life, E ordered an “old lady” reclining chair for me, from Amazon Prime and I lived in it, with J. If I could give any advice to myself at that time, it would have been to relax. But something about sleep deprivation gave me weird bouts of vertigo and honestly surviving on basically no sleep plus hormones was something I was not prepared for at all.
I was also (still am, in some ways) hyper-conscious about carefully weaving this new mother-daughter relationship. I didn’t want to post about her on the social medias because that’s there forever, and what if she hates it? And therefore, hates me for putting her out there? So, this blog that I have really loved just kind of shriveled away. Also, there was no way to type without hands.
Somewhere in there, I heard that an old friend lost a battle with postpartum depression. That broke my heart. And then I read something in passing that basically said, you can’t give up your whole self for your kid. Nor should you try to.
I hope to strike some sort of balance here, and share about life in a way that won’t (deeply) impact J’s right to privacy. So much of becoming a new mom has been heavy, but not all of it. And lifting heavy things make one stronger, right?
So, here’s to giving CPR to ye olde bloge.
Let’s start with the basics. There’s been a lot going on with my body over the last 22 months. At first, I was thoroughly impressed by my machine and how well it did all of the things. Get baby out? Check. Feed baby? Check. These things, for me, were not insurmountable. Albeit, labor was 3 days long. So that wasn’t amazing, but we made it.
When she was about a year old, I wondered about some of the symptoms I was still dealing with. You know, I just wanted to sneeze, jump, laugh, walk… Amirite? And I found myself having all of these conversations with other moms, with exchanges ranging from, “It will get better with time” to “It will be like that forever.” So, great advice. Mind you, my physical discomfort and symptoms were quite minor compared to what some women experience. But still, annoying.
A dear friend shared with me that she had found pelvic floor PT incredibly helpful with abdominal separation that she experienced from pregnancy, and she highly recommended Merci at Functionize Health in Decatur. Then, my mom told me that she sat next to a pelvic floor PT on a flight, who promised that I’d be “good to go” in a visit or two. Don’t you love the way that moms discuss your post-childbirth symptoms with strangers on planes? But, after thinking it over for a few more months and waiting to see if everything did fix itself (it didn’t)… I made an appointment.
I’ve worked with Merci at Functionize for the last 4 months, and it turns out that there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes (that is totally incredible and amazing) that I had never learned. My pelvic floor was all messed up, you guys. BC (before childbirth), I had been holding a lot of stress in my pelvic floor, in addition to habitually dehydrating myself while I was at work. There are all of these muscles that are supposed to be able to stretch and move and mine weren’t able to do that. It’s like if you had your arm bent in a sling for a decade and then one day you got up and tried to straighten your arm, while pushing a baby through your bicep. That’s why it took three days.
So I tell my mama friends that yes, I did this, and yes, I recommend it. I’ll talk to you about it all DAY if you want to! And everyone asks… but what happens at the appointments? Despite never seeing another type of physical therapist, I’d imagine that it’s much the same type of experience. There’s a manual part of the appointment, targeted to what the client needs (in my case, help stretching my super tight muscles. I’m bragging). The other part that is completely amazing is the education. Now, I know how to check in with my pelvic floor. I have a bank of stability exercises that I will pull from for… forever? I know how to do advanced level kegels. I actually facilitated a kegel exercise group. With three good friends. Over brunch. You can do them anywhere, y’all.
Here’s what I’m saying. Educate and normalize. If you even think you might benefit, see a pelvic floor PT. My only regret is not going sooner. And take care of those bodies, because those babies want you to be functional for a long time.
Until Next Time,
K
If you live in Atlanta, and are going to have or recently had a baby, go to this!
Side note: Pelvic Floor PT is routine practice for women who have babies in Europe, whether the baby comes out the lobby or the sunroof.* It happens during pregnancy and a few weeks after, with continuing therapy as needed. I couldn’t find one covered by my insurance. I have good insurance, too! You know what is covered here? Surgeries like bladder slings, prolapse surgeries, hysterectomies… The types of surgeries that women get when they have issues related to childbirth, etc. I wish we could get a policy amen for women’s health in These United States.
*The lobby/sunroof thing was stolen from a comediann, although I forget her name. Yes, I know it’s important to use proper names for parts with our daughter, for her education and safety. We do.